Second Night Home

After an almost sleepless night, Rob and I woke up overwhelmed and confused. We had no idea what we should have expected on our first night home, but of course remember everyone telling us, “Enjoy your sleep now.” We got it now. We were exhausted and emotional, but ready to try and figure it out. Where do we begin? I’ve decided to bullet list again:

- Ask ourselves, “What do we need upstairs to make the night go smoother?”

- Buy a canvas tote to bring all the nursing/pumping (more on that later) essentials upstairs at the end of the day

- Put out gauze pre-medicated with petroleum jelly for Grady’s circumcision

- Put out a change of clothes for Grady if he decides to pee all over the first outfit… again

- Set an alarm for every 3 hours (because Grady was jaundice, we had to set this schedule as soon as possible)

 

Okay. I’m done. Now for the good part!

A few friends stopped by during the morning, bringing gifts that only first time parents would love. They also brought their love for Grady. It was absolutely amazing with all this support for our new little family. We would get through this. Not long after everyone left, I was due to pump. I suppose I should let you know why I was pumping. Grady’s first night, I spent 45 minutes on each boob trying to get him to calm down while Rob sat across from my on the floor of the nursery staring at me struggling to get him to latch and stay on for longer than two minutes at a time. Rob felt useless and wanted to be a part of his feedings. The amazing man that my husband is decided to hell with the boob, we’ll pump and bottle feed. We stuck a pacifier in his mouth about five minutes later. To hell with the parenting books, too. We were going to figure this out on our own. After all the other blogs I’ve read about “just keep at it, it’ll get better” I couldn’t do it. I wanted everyone to be a part of Grady’s life and feeding him was a huge part. I didn’t want him to have to rely just on me to be happy and calm. (Please, these are just my thoughts… I know most of you may not agree).

I made the mistake of starting to read/browse US Weekly. I started bawling when I saw Britney Spears in a denim outfit. What? And so it began… my 5 hour emotional breakdown. Rob spent these hours staring at me, rubbing my back, telling me we’ll figure it out, taking Grady for walks around the entire house, and reminding me over and over again that this is normal. He forced me to take a two-hour nap upstairs away from everything. When I came down with a smile on my face, looking at my husband and son, Rob started his emotional breakdown. Cue “Mama take over and let Dad have his moment.”

We made it through the second day home. Holy shit. 

The First Days...

The first night in the hospital, we asked that Grady go into the nursery to give us a few hours of sleep. Because I was breastfeeding, a lactation consultant came into the room for his first time feeding to “ensure a good latch.” Yikes. This session took about 20-30 minutes of the consultant holding his head and basically ramming it into my boob, releasing, and repeating. By the end of the session, I was sweating, the consultant was sweating (her cigarette breath didn’t help the situation) and Rob was bug-eyed like, “What the f--- just happened?”

The nurse wheeled Grady away around 10PM. What felt like 10 minutes later, I hear a knock and someone say, “Grady’s here.” It took another two hours before we placed him back into his bassinet and Rob wheeled him back to the nursery. In additional to all of the returns to and from the nursery, I had to use the bathroom (doctor ordered) at least every hour and a half. I absolutely dreaded this time to myself. It was torture. On the back of the bathroom door, you have a nice reusable bag full of all the post-baby essentials; huge pads resembling adult diapers, a medium size, and ice packs… lots and lots of ice packs. You also have Epifoam which is like shaving cream, gauze, and witch hazel pads in case you created hemorrhoids for yourself while pushing out a nice 8-pounder. There is more disposable underwear in the bag, too… but I brought my own. I needed something to remind me that I’ll be okay again someday. Did I talk about that in my labor and delivery story? Let me bullet it out what happened after Grady’s birth:

- Deliver placenta

- Get stitched up

- Hold your baby for 5 minutes

- Get the epidural removed

- Give the baby to Dad

- Hold the nurses hand as she guides you/pushes you to the bathroom

- Hover over the toilet and try to pee as she stares at your vagina and spreads it open (yes, that happened)

- Watch your legs shake uncontrollably

- The nurse will pat you dry… don’t worry about wiping

- She will also re-dress you in your disposable underwear, ice pack, and big adult diaper-pad

- Stumble to the sink to wash your hands

- Walk like a drunken sailor back to the bed

- Crash into the bed

- Watch everyone else hold your baby and tell you how beautiful he is

- Wait for a wheelchair to take you to your next home for two days

 

Okay, I’m done. I could go on for days. I love lists.

                                       

So after the breastfeeding exam and assessment, they said Grady had a nice latch and I was improving with my approach. The next night was a repeat of the same in and out of the nursery, but I felt more aware of the nurses coming in every few hours to ask how my pain was and to check my vitals. I had low blood pressure (lower than my normal 170/75ish) so they were monitoring me a bit more frequently. After two nights, we were discharged around noon. Discharge is a process at a hospital; I think especially when you have had a baby. They throw a ton of paperwork at you, insurance information for your breast pump, and more post-baby bathroom essentials. Rob had to make two trips to the truck before we felt comfortable enough to pack Grady up and leave. We had to beg one of the nurses to help us buckle him into the car seat (What?! We’d never done this before!)

The ride home, I sat in the backseat making sure Grady kept breathing. I took this time to stare at him and text friends telling them they could come over that night to see him. They were all shocked I was up for visitors. I felt absolutely fantastic.

Little did I know, all hell would break loose within the next 24 hours.

My Starting Point

At 4AM Wednesday 3/20/13, I woke up to intermittent cramps in my abdomen. I had already missed two days of work for these cramps, but these felt different. Quite different. They were regular, coming every 6-7 minutes and lasting about one minute. I called my doctor’s office and spoke to a nurse who suggested I head to the hospital since they were remaining fairly consistent and had been going on for about 4 hours. By this point, I was uncomfortable during the contractions, but they were manageable, for the most part. I spent the day with my Mom running errands and keeping my mind off of what I could. By 2PM, I had called my husband Rob to let him know I wasn’t sure I’d make it until 6PM (when he got out of work) before heading to the hospital, so he arranged to leave work by 4PM. Once he arrived at my parents, we went home and got everything together, hoping this would not be a false alarm and we’d be bringing home Grady.

We arrive at the hospital around 5PM and went to the Birthing Triage. I had been here twice before for what I thought were signs of labor, but was discharged with minor accommodations to make at home. They checked me and I was dilated to 2.5cm. I was told to walk around and come back after two hours to be checked again so make sure I was in active labor. I walked with Rob around the hospital about 20 times, just talking about what our expectations were that we were becoming parents, things that were going to change, etc. I really enjoyed those hours with him. I got back to triage and checked again. I was at 3.5cm. They admitted me to labor and delivery! I asked for an exercise ball (birthing ball) and brought that with me to the room. I must have spent 20 hours on that ball. It became my best friend, along with hot packs placed into the hospital socks (Totes); one in front under by belly, and two on my lower back. This was really happening!

From 9PM to 2AM, I labored naturally, breathing deeply through my contractions that were between 1 and 4 minutes apart. Like really deeply—to the point where I thought I could have turned into an animal. I was checked at 2AM and only had progressed to 4cm. I was told to try and take a nap to get some rest. I tried… honestly, I did. I probably ended up with a 15 minutes rest period, but trying to nap in between contractions wasn’t fun at all. At 6:15AM, I was checked and had dilated to 6cm. It seemed things were starting to get moving! By this point, I had been having regular contractions for 26 hours. I was exhausted, but ready. Ready to push! At 10AM, I was checked and was 8cm and the doctor said my bag of waters was bulging; this could either break on its own or I would start making more progress soon. At 12:30PM, to doctor decided to break my water. I didn’t feel them placing the instrument, but I felt an extremely large gush of water, that continued to come out through my next couple of contractions. I was shocked at what that felt like. Very unsettling. They also let me know that there was meconium in the water and that the baby needed to be assessed by the neonatal team immediately after he was delivered. I started crying. I felt so terrible… like it was my entire fault. Rob helped reassure me that it was okay, and that the hospital is known for its NICU Department. I thought they would have to take him from the room immediately; however, the second doctor elaborated and told me he wouldn’t be able to lay right onto my chest, but Rob could cut his cord and he’d just be brought over to the warming table until he was stable. He required suction in his nose and mouth and the NICU team left after about two minutes J

After my water was broken, my contractions picked up. I was very uncomfortable, but continued to practice my deep breathing techniques and moving positions. As time progressed, I realized if I made any pain noises, the discomfort would get so much worse, so I kept reminding myself to breath. I went from the birthing ball, to hands and knees on the bed. The only relief I was getting was when on hands and knees, Rob would put counter pressure on my lower back in addition to the hot pack. The contractions were really picking up. I got checked again at 2:45PM and was still at 8cm. I was so discouraged. I was disappointed with my body and upset because I was so ready to push. The doctor suggested Pitocin to speed up my contractions; making them more intense and closer together. In addition to Pitocin, she recommended an epidural to take the pain/edge off. At this point, I gave in. My body had shutdown and I could no longer progress on my own. The anesthesiologist came in and placed the epidural. This was not as painful as contractions, but when you’re having a contraction and they’re placing a needle into your back, it can get pretty overwhelming… and fast. I pretty much nuzzled into the nurses chest as she told me, “You’re so strong.”

After an hour long nap, the doctor came back into the room and checked me again. I was 10cm and +1 station (meaning the baby’s head is 2 stations away from being delivered). I was able to do a “practice push” to see how I can handle it. I think this is their way of determining if the doctor needs to be present or if it will take longer than they anticipate. After my practice push, Rob looked at me and said “I can see his hair! It’s long and dark!” This gave me the motivation to start making things happen. I didn’t know that even with an epidural, you can feel yourself making the progress you need to make in order to meet your little one. I was excited. After about 5 pushes, I was told to lie on my side and an oxygen mask was placed onto my nose and mouth. The baby’s heart rate dropped during my pushes and it needed to come back up. After about 5 minutes of breathing in oxygen, it raised and I was able to push more. In about 15 pushes, Grady Marshall arrived at 5:43PM on 3-21-13 weighing in at 8lb 2oz and 21” long. I have a “thing” for numbers and 3-2-1, 5-4-3 is pretty nice J

 

 

Welcome

Let me introduce myself. I’m Lauren, married, and a first time Mom. I’m a bit overwhelmed but my husband and I are figuring it out. We’re a good team and communicate fairly well- nobody is perfect. I delivered our son on March 21, 2013 at 5:43PM and have been writing blog posts for a bit to build up a handful to post every few days. Here is a list of a few things about me before you continue reading:

- I’m not grammatically perfect

- I write how I talk

- I use ‘-‘ and ‘…’ to create pauses

- I have followed many blogs and just decided to start this one

- It probably won’t last too long

First post up is how this new chapter of my life started…

Enjoy!